When Groupies Become Girlfriends!!

So......what do an over-the-road trucker, a traveling musician, a soldier, and a traveling salesman have in common?  Well....not much unless you ask their significant others.  None of these have very much in common at all, if anything, as far as a job is concerned.  However, if you spoke to the other half of that couple, you will quickly find that loneliness is a common denominator.

I have so much respect for the men and women who are frequently separated from their partners, all for the good of others.  It takes absolute selflessness to do something like that, and I'm going to be honest.....I couldn't do it.  I lose my shit if my husband works an hour late.  In my relationship, it doesn't work if we aren't together.  We enjoy each other's company more than the company of others, and we have a lot of similar interests.  Not to mention we are crazy about each other! ;) ;) ;)

I have always considered having so much time to spend with my husband to be a luxury, because I've always been aware that this isn't the case for every relationship.  Naive as I was, I assumed that everyone understood this.  

Then I experienced my very first teenage groupie....

You know the type.......they dress like little whores (or worse as seen above) to get the attention of one of the band members.  Usually it doesn't matter which one.....Hell, half the time as long as you're a roadie you're considered "in the band".  It's shameful.  If these were my daughter's I'd ..... well I don't know what would do, but trust me it would be extreme.

And not only do they DRESS like whores, they ACT like them too which makes this even worse.  I mean, for all you know the girl in the photo above could be 15 years old.  Does that make the photo creepier?  If not, have your head checked.  

I want this post to serve as a lesson to these unfortunate girls.  Ladies, this is not how you should ever behave in public, especially if you're hoping to "bag a rockstar".  If you want to know how to get a true, honest, intimate connection with a musician read on.  If you want a one night stand and a walk of shame, step away from the computer, adjust your g-string, and go to the nearest live show.

If you're still reading, congratulations.  You're learning, and that's step one to a better you.

Another thing that young groupies do in order to "bag a rockstar" is assume that this person wants you to love everything that they love, eat all of the same food they eat, do all of the same shots they do, dress the same as they do, and so on, and so on, and so on.  

Girls, this is not what they want.  I've had the pleasure over the last week to interview four very special ladies who all happen to be dating musicians, each of whom are at different stages in their careers.  These aren't old women as you will see at the end of this post.  These are 18-23 year old young women who have made a conscious choice to get into, what I feel, is one of the most difficult types of relationships to get into.  These ladies all have different perspectives, but from them I was able to gather up some suggestions for you band wives in training.

Step 1:  Don't dress like or act like a whore.  Boobs are a dime a dozen, and believe me, the band has seen both better and worse than yours, so don't feel like you're special.  You're not.  As a matter of fact, even if the band member bangs you in the bus at the end of the night, it's guaranteed that you will be a joke the second you leave the bus.  You will just become another "Remember that one drunk whore I banged" story.  You don't want that, do you??  These guys aren't looking to tie themselves down to someone like that for more than an hour.

Step 2:  Don't pretend to like things you don't just to impress them.  These musicians aren't going to care if you like every single thing that they do.  In fact, according to my sources, they prefer some mystery.  Be yourself, because in the end the real you will come out regardless.  You may as well be honest about your Britney Spears obsession up front.  If you don't like sports, don't pretend you do.  If you don't like The Walking Dead, don't pretend to.  

Step 3:  Don't be jealous.  According to my lovely interviewees, this is the #1 killer among long-distance relationships, especially those where one party is in the public eye.  You need to be ready for the fact that one day, whores like you are going to be all up on your man when you aren't around, and you're going to have to put all of your trust into knowing your relationship is real.  You have to trust your partner explicitly.  Without this step, you're doomed.  You might as well hit up a Wet Seal sale.

Step 4:  Don't expect perfection all of the time.  You may have fallen in love with the band because of their latest hit single, but you didn't hear all the fuck ups they had to go through to get there.  You need to understand that often times you will hear the same track get fucked up for hours on end.  You will hear every missed note, wrong word, off beat.......everything.  Also, most of the time you're hearing them fuck shit up, they're in their underwear.  Although, if you take a step back, you'll realize that you are one of very few people in the world who gets to see them in such a state.  Count yourself lucky for those wrong notes, because at least it was YOU there to hear them.

Step 5:  Don't plan anything then count on it actually happening.  Just like regular life, touring musicians run into issues on the road all the time.  Be it a broken down bus or a last minute booking, the girlfriend of a musician needs to understand that things can change at the last minute.  More importantly, they can't take it personal.  What you should do instead is to appreciate every second that you get with your love while you have it, because odds are they'll be away from you soon and it could be months before you see them again.  Don't let it get to you that your plans fell through, laugh it off and adjust accordingly.

It comes down to this:

Loneliness is a way of life for these people.  It's sheer loneliness sprinkled with moments of delusional happiness.  A happiness that they wouldn't trade for anything.  I am privileged to know some amazing couples that go through this daily.  If you want to get into a serious, long-term relationship with a traveling musician you have to be both physically and mentally prepared for it.  You have to look for the very best in every moment, and trust with every fiber of your being.  A soldier's significant other, an over-the-road trucker's significant other, a traveling salesman's significant other........they'll all tell you the same thing.  Granted each one of those occupations have a plethora of different hazards, the loneliness remains the common denominator.  It's a lot of work, but the rewards are great.

All four of my interviewees closed their interviews with the same sentiment, and I'd like to share it with you.

Nothing is better than seeing your significant other for the first time in months, beaming on stage, doing what they love, and knowing everyone in the room loves it too.  

And they all want you to know that you can't "bag a rockstar"....all you can do is intrigue them.

Jess, Anna, Sydney, Brittany.....Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for being so candid.  

Jake Smith (Former drummer for Shot 2 Pieces, Current soldier in the US Army) and girlfriend of three years Sydney McDaniel.

***Sidebar:  Sydney, I love you and I spaced out when I was writing.  You were so prompt with your response that I had time to forget about you, and for that I am ashamed.  I have to tell you that out of all of my interviewees your story was by far the most important.....I mean a musician turned soldier.  Mad respect to you girl, and I hope you forgive me!!  <3 <3 <3

Heath Fields (Drummer for Shallow Side) and girlfriend of three years Jess Rollinsworth

Bobby Smith (Guitarist for KillinoisE) and fiancé Brittany Miller (Together two years)

Justin Smith (Guitarist, Free Agent) and girlfriend of one and a half years, Anna Tolliver